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Below I have shared some very empowering knowledge, so that you can have a good overview & be able to more easily understand what is happening .

Addiction or not according to AA and ACA?

The difference in use & addiction/abuse is not primarily in the amount consumed, but in whether the use causes any kind of problem, for example in relationships & family (neglecting others, their healthy needs, or one's own needs, hiding or lying to others, saying they imagine or exaggerate that there is a problem). And that the habit becomes an addict when you start causing damage or taking dangerous risks, risks that in various ways harm you, others in the relationship, for example in the economy, health, connection between each other, etc. One lacks healthy good control over the use. 

Passive abuse/violence is unconscious abuse in a dysfunctional family.

It can be called emotional neglect and involves, among other things, when the parents, siblings or partners do not intend to harm or offend, but instead are so busy with their own problems that they do not realize that they are missing out on meeting their children's needs for closeness, trust, honesty, care, love, stimulation, development (for example in help dealing with emotions) and stability. They usually did not get this themselves and do not know how it is built. Some are so mentally trapped in their problems and therefore lack a healthy control, for example over their own behaviour, to understand the results of actions, you may lack healthy control in the economy or in other areas such as addiction, illness & addiction in work. Some others may themselves have experienced a childhood marked by violence or abuse, they need support and help in processing. They may also have a neuropsychiatric disability, with e.g. lack of impulse control, unable to draw conclusions or lack of empathy which can create unconscious problems. The healthy thing in all the above cases is that you may need to take professional & outside help in your parenting/relationship, in order to safely stand on a solid foundation together. To relearn together how to build a healthy everyday life and create a healthy attitude between each other, but it require genuine will from both partners. ♡

Common to all psychological and physical violence, is that it creates an emotional distance between parent/partner and child/relationship, thus destroys the close, intimate, & trusting emotional contact that should exist between them.

The importance of turning to the right help!

I would like to mention the importance of taking the right & good help, which in simple terms is to take help where you notice that you are taking good steps forward, uplifting inner development & a warm welcome that makes you feel stronger afterwards. I had to teach my children early on the importance of not only going to a teacher, but also the importance of going to the right teacher ie the teachers who know how to deal with problems in a good way. When we turn for help to a place that doesn't have the knowledge, can't handle similar situations themselves, or is stuck in unhealthy behaviors, the calls we hear will be based on all their own fears & limitations that stop THEM in life regarding your situation, which means that the advice you receive in response leads to continued struggle. If you instead turn to good & healthy help, especially someone who has already succeeded in what you want help with, then the advice you get here will instead be able to lead you really well steps forward that produce healthy results!  has a good page for Sweden with simplified explanations for various laws.

Illegal : Violence and Violation is prohibited by law and can be done in the following ways.

Oppression: That a powerful group (could be parents, at work, in religion, a threateningly aggressive in a relationship, etc.) unfairly oppresses the "weak". Social oppression means that one is ridiculed or has to stifle one's opinions/experiences/thoughts by others & among them. You are forced away or forced to be someone you are not.

Slander : Means saying things about someone that is intended to get others to disregard him & make them think badly of the person slandered. It doesn't really matter if the information is true or not. You want others to think badly of him, even though he might be justified his behavior. It can happen through them together practicing ostracism & saying disparaging things about them. (Remember, when safely sharing one's own experience with loved ones for support and comfort in a difficult situation has a completely different intention than sharing things to make others dislike someone else, in this case one rather thinks that the situation itself is difficult, and you can think that the things someone does are wrong but not that any person needs to be bad in themselves, just because something bad experience has happened in between.)

Insulting : Consists of mocking, slandering or insulting with derogatory words, for example through insulting swear words, accusations or other behaviour, in order to tease mockingly with the intention of upsetting someone.

Incapacitation : It is forbidden to put someone in a position similar to holding, tying or locking someone up.

Unlawful coercion: Means that one person forces another to do, endure or refrain from doing something. It can happen through assault, other violence or threats of violence & things.

Ugly words: Most of us associate this with verbal abuse, mean, ugly, derogatory and vulgar words. "Whore", to say that she is "fat, stupid, lazy, stupid, disgusting and so on". It applies when you have an intention to put someone down, make fun of someone, upset them, disturb them, change them so they are not so happy or make them feel bad/uncomfortable/unsafe.

Breaking other people's objects or harming animals:  According to the law, this is prohibited and counts as a crime of vandalism. It is also actions that scare, and can become a way of exercising power to try to control someone into silence/get their way/threat.

Physical (child/adult) abuse is when an adult causes a child/someone else bodily harm, illness, pain or renders the child powerless. This includes hitting, kicking, pulling the hair, burning, shaking, pushing, biting and tugging the child. Poisoning, burning, exposing the child to frostbite or scalding the child also counts as physical abuse. The abuse can cause bruises, wounds, bone damage, damage to internal organs and brain damage & definitely cause psychological problems, for example being uable to create healthy relationships, you get difficult social interaction, trauma, PTSD, mental illness or problems in many other areas, such as for example problems in their sex drive, see their own value & get a completely wrong self-image.

Psychological (child/adult) abuse:  Is when an adult/partner conveys to the child that it is worthless, unloved and unwanted. It can happen through rejection, isolation, criticism, mockery or ostracism and insulting words, such as whore, stupid, ugly or disgusting. Different forms of violations like the points above can be considered mental abuse, as well as threats of violence. The psychological abuse often includes punishments or threats of abandonment. The child/partner can easily be locked up, excluded from the family community, not allowed to see their friends or ignored by no one listening or talking to them. The parents/person may also have a negative attitude towards the child/partner and attribute negative qualities to them, for example that they are ugly, stupid, etc. Being exposed to this in your environment as a child/adult causes the self-image to be wrong, you live below your human value, without security, well-being disappears and functions in the brain are damaged & such as self-esteem, social functions, also conditions for creating close & healthy emotional relationships .

The category of psychological violence also includes gaslighting, which means trying to manipulate someone by distorting, giving false information & with the intention of making someone doubt themselves, their memories, their sanity. It can be anything from denying an abuse, to staging bizarre events or giving incorrect information about someone in order to get others on their side so that the victim is standing with everyone against them instead, when it is actually the manipulator who does harmful things against the victim. It can be used phrases like you are oversensitive, exaggerating or like you don't remember correctly, although in reality it was a serious or offensive situation, etc. and you actually in reality remember correctly and have the right to react when others do harmful or offensive behaviors.

The fact that the child is forced to see or hear violence in their immediate environment also counts here. According to the Social Services Act, children who witness violence or other abuse by or against close adults are victims of crime. Mental abuse .

-Psychological abuse disrupts the child's emotional and intellectual development, brain functions are damaged, also self-esteem as well as social functions and conditions for close emotional relationships. This can lead to a very inaccurate self-image, which, among other things, hinders the child's opportunities to develop good relationships with others, hard to cope in life, lack of basic security in the body as an individual, hinders the development of who they are as a person, and lack of knowing their own value, lack of to take the right actions (out of extreme fear), and as a result prevents them from the possibility of living a good, healthy life where you can feel harmony and happiness about yourself & joy in the beautiful things you can create around you.

To this part, it should be added that if a parent, for example a mother stays in a violent or abusive environment for the sake of the children, so that the children do not experience the abuse of the persons, they are still victims because they learn that it is ok to treat the mother like that and can get a distorted image that it is ok behavior and that you should find yourself in such a situation when they grow up. And this applies even if the children do not know what is going on behind the scenes, when the mother's mental health is automatically affected for the worse, the children are indirectly harmed by losing the most important thing they have, & lose a safe, warm and healthier parent in the process. Setting limits and leaving together with the children in an abusive or violent close environment is a right and the important thing to do according to law, for mental health & human rights. Chapter 6 § 1 Parental Code - Children have the right to care, security and a good upbringing. Children must be treated with respect for their person and personality and must not be subjected to corporal punishment or other abusive treatment. Law (1983:47).

Sexual abuse is a form of physical and mental abuse and includes all forms of sexual acts that are imposed on a child/adult by another adult. According to Swedish law, an older teenager or an adult may never subject a child under 15 to a sexual act. Examples of sexual acts are verbal sexual allusions, performing "exposing" in front of the child, viewing pornographic images with the child, sexually emphasized caresses or completed sexual intercourse. Sexual crimes include rape, sexual assault, pimping &  sexual harassment (When someone does or says something sexually offensive to you against your will. For example, sending pictures with sexual content, making unwanted sexual suggestions, pawing, caressing or otherwise offending your personal sexual integrity when you have said no and do not want to).

Its forbidden and NEVER allowed hit a child
Chapter 6 § 1 Parental Code - Children have the right to care, security and a good upbringing. Children must be treated with respect for their person and personality and must not be subjected to corporal punishment or other abusive treatment. Law (1983:47).

The mental abuse can be at least as serious crime as physical abuse.

Children's rights in the school system:

All children have the right to a school free of bullying, violence and violations. You can turn to the school inspectorate for a report if the child is doing badly at school. The school must be a safe environment and work with feedback to parents. Breaks should be rest breaks for the brain to be able to continue the school day. 

Even if the environment at home is safe, bullying or physical abuse at school leaves scars inside. We need parents and schools to stand up for this 100%, so that children learn their true value. If the school fails, which I myself had an example of, I want to underline the importance of standing up for the child in all situations (even though I also know that they will continue to feel bad as long as it lasts) the clear marking still leaves a good mental mark, so that the children get a healthy idea that it is not their fault, that it is completely understandable that they feel bad about what is happening, & that it is the school that is not doing enough to create a safe environment. That the school has problems and shortcomings in keeping it within human rights, that bullying and violence in school is wrong what is happening. You show that it is not ok to treat them badly in every step you take for them, you show & explain clearly that it is other adults in the school who are completely wrong who do not set clear boundaries, do investigations, etc. It will pay off in the long run and in growing up, that they maintain a more correct image of themselves and not be "gaslighted" that it is they who are at fault & then also not blame themselves to the same extent. 

If the child's grade is not achieved to pass in various subjects, the school has an obligation to investigate the child's need for extra support, if the school does not investigate, you can contact the school inspectorate (show saved tests and results) so that the school inspectorate can demand an investigation, if an action program is to be added . If approved judgments are not reached and the school still does not implement an action program as a result of the investigation, the school's decision can be appealed directly to the school system's appeals board. For those of you with children with NPF, I highly recommend finding more support via the website (& their fantastic facebook); The right to education: A school for ALL.

In case of difficulties, the school & guardian contact BUP for an investigation of extra support. There is extra support to get help with as a child & parent there, tips for how you as a parent can make everyday life easier for the child and that the school is forced to adapt the education for the child in a more creative & adapted way. 

You can ALWAYS call the BRIS adult telephone for further information.  They can help you with all kinds of questions about children and be a good support. The best thing we can do to get ahead is to get the right help! There are organizations & people who dedicate their lives to making the world better, a gift to us!

You can find a list of good support & helplines below & on  Helplines and emergency telephones - Dininside

Phonelines to call in Sweden

NOTE:  If the condition is life-threatening, always call 112 .

The alcohol line  Support to change your alcohol habits. On-call  020-84 44 48  (Mon – Thurs 12-19, Fri 12-17)

Bris  supports children in harm's way. On call:  116 111  (Mon−Sun 14−21. Wed 17−21).

Crime victim hotline  :  0200-21 20 19

Hassela helpline  for you with concerns that a young person is slipping into addiction or crime. Call:  0200-220 555

Hopp  is a non-profit organization that supports victims of sexual abuse. On call:  076-19 99 343

Killjouren  assists young men who are exposed to violence. Call or text 070-654 38 73 and the helpline will get back to you.

The women's peace line  is a 24-hour emergency line for those who have been subjected to threats, violence or sexual abuse. Relatives and friends can also call. On call:  020-50 50 50  (around the clock).

Women's shelter and girls' shelter. Use  the search function on the ROKS website  to find an emergency room near you

Manscentrum  assists men in crisis. Tel:  08-643 11 83  (Time booking).

Mansjouren  organizes several men's shelters. See  the men's shelter's member list  to find a men's shelter near you.

Mansjouren in Stockholm County  Tel:  08-30 30 20  (Booking an appointment).

The men's shelter in Västerbotten  Tel:  070-257 43 13  (weekdays 8am-5pm).

Mika reception in Stockholm  for those who sell sex or are exposed to human trafficking or trafficking for sexual purposes. Phone:  08-508 25 501  or  08-668 69 87 . Mika reception is also available in  Gothenburg  and  Malmö .

Mind Suicide line On-call:  90101  (24/7)
Mind Parent telephone Tel:  020–85 20 00  (10 – 15 weekdays)
Mind Elderly telephone Tel:  020–22 22 33  (10 – 15 weekdays)


Daddy issues. The organization  Män  has a lot about fathers. Among other things,  father groups .

PrevenTell  for those of you who feel that you have lost control over your sexuality. Call PrevenTell if you are concerned about sexually harming yourself or someone else. Read more on  PrevenTell's website . Tel:  020-66 77 88  (every day 12-14.30)

The RFSU clinic . Accepts people over 20 years of age. The RFSU clinic offers contraceptive counseling, sexual counseling, testing for suspected venereal disease and psychotherapy (Stockholm). Free therapeutic counseling for sexual issues, potency problems, lack of desire, sex addiction, even #metoo issues. The RFSU therapists' telephone advice:  08-692 07 70

Rise  Riksföreningen support center against incest and other sexual abuse in childhood, is a non-profit association that started in 1981. Offers support to adults who have been exposed to sexual abuse in childhood. Tel:  08-696 00 95  (Mondays at 20.00-21.00, Thursdays at 10.00-11.00).

Save The Children Helpline  for children who speak Arabic, Dari or English. Phone:  0200–77 88 20

The stop-smoking line  For those who have decided, or want to make an attempt, to stop smoking or snuff. Tel:  020-84 00 00  (Mon-Thurs: 09-20 Fri: 09-16)

The support line for gambling addiction  On call:  020-819100  (09-21 all weekdays excluding weekends)

The girl zone  offers five chats for girls 15-25 years old (20-22 every day except Saturday)

Info and knowledge about mental health Sweden

1177 The care guide

UMO  For young people between 13 and 25. UMO is run by the county council and spreads knowledge to create opportunities for reflection so that young people can influence their situation - at home, in relationships, at school or at work.

The National Self-Harm Project  with information about self-harm behavior and how to help.

The OCD Association  – The Swedish Association for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has an excellent self-help section.

Save the Children page with information for adults  concerned about a child's mental health.

Shedo  spreads knowledge and provides support for people affected by eating disorders.

Safe adults  work with education and knowledge-building around family and addiction problems.

Utdrag, hjälp och info på  ä Hjälplinjer och jourtelefoner - Dininsida


"What you accept, you are going to get more of." - Jenny Jahn

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